Friday, April 1, 2016

Ran when parked. Decoding Craigslist Ad BS

Ran when parked. Decoding Craigslist Motorcycle Post B.S.

For years, hours upon hours have been poured into trolling craigslist ads. We search relentlessly in hopes of discovering that perfect bike that satisfies our passion and doesn't deplete our bank accounts. But there is a secret language that craigslist ads utilize that could be more deceiving than you'd originally thought. We set the record straight by decoding craigslist.
Here are some key words that all of us have come across only to find the owner stay as vague as possible in their descriptions.
"Must Sell"
My bike payment is past due, my credit card is past due, and I’m late on rent...take your pick, I need cash.
"Fixed Price"
I bit off more than I could chew, my bike payment is now past due and I have negative equity in it.
"Must Sell / Fixed Price"
I'm an idiot that doesn't have the first clue about the laws of supply and demand.
"No Title / Lost Title" I'm too lazy to look for it or go to the DMVfor a replacement. At best it's a parts bike; but more than likely it’s stolen.
"Salvaged Title"
I crashed it and bought it back from insurance. You should treat it as a parts bike or track bike ONLY.
"Carbs Need Adjusting"
I left it outside uncovered with old gas in it all winter and now the carbs are gummed up and it won't start or run properly. Good Luck!
"Project Bike"
I bought it thinking I was on a Discovery Channel special, but it’s too hard, too expensive and I know nothing about fabrication. Your turn.
"Classic or Vintage" Yes, it's old, but not old enough to be a true collectible. So...I hope you know more about it then me.
Nobody liked them enough to buy them when they came out.
"Chromed Out"
I'm a poser and would rather spend money on having my bike look good standing still than spend it on gas, oil and tires.
"Never Dropped"
It's never or rarely ridden or my pockets are so deep I was able to repair it so you can't tell.
"Never Seen Rain" I either live in Arizona or I'm afraid of water falling from the sky.
"Custom Paint"
I crashed and wrecked the plastics. Instead of getting it fixed right, it was cheaper to paint and hide the damage
"Good Beginner Bike"
It's been dropped and crashed plenty. The plastics and case are scratched/ cracked and the pedals/levers are bent.
"Must See" I want to get you in front of me so I can convince you that this bike is worth the outrageous asking price.
How To: Decoding Craigslist Ads

Here's some alternate definitions from RevZilla:

What the ad says What it really means
Asking $16,000, make offer Someone please give me $10,000
$11,500 firm Someone please give me $10,000
$8,000 firm, no low-ball offers Short of selling a kidney, I have no means of paying off the $7,500 balance on the loan on this $5,000 bike
OBO Just give me two thirds of what I'm asking, please God
Ran when I parked it, needs carb work The 10-year-old gasoline in there has turned to mica
Needs battery I don't have $100 for a new battery, and even if I did, putting in a new battery would only reveal that it won't start
Turns over, good compression At least the damn thing hasn't seized and I'm gambling you won't show up with a compression gauge
Must go this weekend I'm six months late on the rent and the eviction proceedings are starting to get serious
No low ballers The payoff on the loan is way more than it's worth so I have to get an inflated price
Wife says it has to go I haven't ridden it in five years, but I'm the kind of person who feels better blaming someone else
No time to ride I drive my car every day because it has air conditioning and I'm lazy
Over $5,000 in extras I wasted a lot of money on farkles nobody wants
Extended swingarm, lowered Clutch is fried from playing Rickey Dragracer at every light and the bike now handles like a garbage truck
Aftermarket exhaust, sounds great Obnoxiously loud, guaranteed to tick off your neighbors
Stock exhaust but I removed the baffles, sounds great Obnoxiously loud would be an improvement; also, runs poorly
Custom paint Been crashed
Fresh paint Been crashed
New plastics Been crashed
Lots of new parts Been crashed
Cosmetic flaws typical for its age Been crashed
Converted to a streetfighter Been crashed
Salvage title Been crashed really bad
Barn fresh Mice ate holes in the air filter
Barn find Damn, I forgot this junk was still out here
Classic style Looks dated
Instant classic It's old
Collectible I know, because it's been collecting dust in my garage for 15 years while I've been hoping it would go up in value
Good beginner bike Underpowered
Good first bike My only hope of unloading this junk is finding an uninformed and gullible buyer
Mechanic's special Too many problems to list
Needs a little TLC You probably won't make it home from the sale without breaking down
Sold "as is" If you make it out of my driveway on this thing, I don't ever want to see you or hear from you again for any reason
Basket case, everything is there Not even God knows what's in that pile of parts
Tires still good for another season The cords aren't showing through the tread yet
Good winter project I just realized I'm trying to sell a motorcycle at the worst time of the year
Text only, I don't check e-mail Internet service was cut off to my house months ago for non-payment
bike 4 sale call 4 info I am too stoned and lazy to take a photo, use capital letters or punctuation, or type more than six words, so just imagine how well I've cared for this motorcycle
Thinning the herd It finally dawned on me that having six motorcycles, five of which do not run, is stupid
99 Katana for sale: rare bike, collectible Wanted: one clueless buyer with cash
I will send you a cashier's check and you can wire me the balance Please be the one in a thousand who is foolish enough to fall for this